Thursday, 26 May 2016

From 'Ugly' to Pretty #PrettyHurts (StoryTime)

Hey Lovelies,
Today I'm going to share a big part of the story of my life with you. Something that happened in history that shaped my life completely today. You'll get to see a timeline of some (yes just a handful) of my signature looks before the transitioning point of my life. When I'd finally made the decision to take 
...my faith more seriously
So, within my childhood years and up, I had always been a fan of make-up, beauty, (Beyonce!), Barbie!, Pink! and obsessed with being 'OVERLY' pretty (must admit I was a bit of a show off). I liked pretty things and people and I was a perfectionist, (I still am). But there came a stage as a teenager, where all I cared about was my image, perfecting my body and if flirting was going to flaunt my image I would do likewise. I did all of this for the attention of boys (not even men, boys). I wanted to be pretty and all-time sexy and I LOOVED having that title. 

Today's Topic: Insecure-Vanity.
Something I've never talked about.
Just the other day, I learnt that vanity and insecurity were twin sisters. I'm not surprised to be honest. I've always mentioned the word 'insecure/vanity.' It's absolutely possible for someone to be vain but insecure at the same time. 

Back to story...
 I worked so hard building myself and my image for such a long time (between my teenage years and up), that dramatic make-up and sexy clothing were a part of my identity. Deep down I cared about what others' thought of me due to my horrible schooling experience and ex boyfriend experience. But I never admitted it. Instead I portrayed an aggressive 'DON'T CARE!' attitude in my pictures. I wanted to be known as the prettiest. I was angry at what all those immature people did to me, I wanted them to payback for what they said and how they treated me. 

I wanted them to regret making me feel inferior during school period. Because I was angry and I believed I was pretty and it was unfair what they did to me. The reason why they treated me the way they did was because I had acne (and by the way, I still suffer with teenage acne marks till today!!!). 

My acne was the reason behind my heavy insecurity and it was a skin condition I had no control over.  Therefore, covering up with make-up was the only way I could be accepted and was also a way of me reuniting with my perfectionism that I carried with me as a child. Yet people blamed me, insulted me and made me feel inferior all the time when I had no make-up - this even happened on set whilst working with photographers and Make-up artists. (Oh and let's not forget that I was a black child and that was also a big factor to why I experienced racial discrimination from my own race! and bullying from other races too).

For that reason, I became 'my very own Beyonce', and made sure I was only around pretty people in my pictures and to be honest it really worked. Nobody could mess with me I would CRUSH them, nobody could talk about me because they had nothing to say. I seduced the very same people that mugged me and those that I crushed on. They were suddenly gaining interest in me by following me on my social media pages and the like. Guys (and girls) would slide into my DM's asking to meet with me and so on and so fourth. I was able to turn the tables around (impressive). I even dated one of my crush's (it was an extremely short lived physical relationship though).

But I was proud of myself, very proud ... a bit like Egyptian Pharaoh - convincing myself that I was 'The Morning and Evening Star'. PROUD!!! Not a good proud actually. I was much ruder, very unforgiving and in my eyes I won trophies; dating good looking guys and even attracting the attention of those that I crushed on. I became so BAD! that I cheated on a crush of mine who cheated on me first. But surprisingly, I was actually able to hurt him (story for another day). 
 (I'm still tough but definitely humbler).

*Story Short*
I became the living definition of an individual with an identity crisis. I didn't know myself. I was lost. All I knew was that I was OBSESSED with particular celebrities who possessed strong influential character on young consumers like Michael Jackson, Beyonce, Meagan Good and Shakira. Because in my eyes, they reflected my character, well... who I wanted to be seen as in society. So I looked up to them. I began to behave like them (like a VIP) for society's sake. Indeed it really worked. 

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm still a beauty enthusiast and people associate me with the term 'Doll'. Most of you guys, might not be able to tell the difference but that's fine because I don't expect you to know me inside out anyway. But its out there on display because this is my online diary and I choose to share with you who I am and who I was. 

Just as my 'about' page says; get to know me through my blog posts, (get to know me indeed). 
As a matter of fact, they are up here because I am even amused at what I was able to build of myself.
I built (what I like to call): A Beauty Empire (but wrongly of course because people got hurt in the process).

If it wasn't for my faith, I would have been a lost case. I decided to change my ways to call my God's attention and to live this life of peace that He promised through His word. I realized that, through my actions and decisions to cut people off and stop entertaining certain situations, I no longer felt inferior or insecure because I came to acknowledgement that my value was predetermined by Him and no one else. I also began to understand peace because people were no longer in control of my mind, feelings and emotions. 

That's all for today.
hope you've enjoyed knowing more about me
I've decided not to censor these pics (just change of decision really).
Lastly don't forget to follow me on my New Instagram
It's filled with good adventures haha

Don't forget to add me on G+ (To your right)
You just need a Google account nothing more!!!
it's a click of a button.

Credits: 
Makeup Artists - 
1st and last picture - @rafineelola
3rd and 10th picture - @Joyadenuga 
5th and 6th Picture - @JadeMaison  

Photographer(s) - 
1st Picture @stradamedia 


CIAO Daisies
xxx
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20 comments

  1. Hi Winnie, I love a woman who is confident and knows who she is, you are all that and love you don't hide back, you are beautiful and love to play with your femininity, as you should! ;)

    Have a great Sunday!
    x Josune @ Your Beauty Script

    http://yourbeautyscript.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww Thank You Josune
      You are a beautiful woman and you've inspired me in many ways without realising it
      So thank you so much
      Xxx

      Delete
  2. Winnie! Your blog is brilliant! Keep up the good work xx

    Tiffanyafiawrites.com

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  3. Eyebrows on fleek!

    ❤︎
    Dakota D.
    http://fannypacksandvisors.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. :) thanks for the comment hehehe

    I really liked to read more of your thoughts , keep on blogging.

    STRAWBERRY JAM nail art-post here


    Facebook |Bloglovin |♥Instagram | Lookbook |Google✚


    Stay Gold

    ReplyDelete
  5. i love how you combine the outfit! and the make up are on point too!! keep up the good work dear
    have a great weekend
    xx,
    http://evelyn-halim.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  6. I loved this post!!! Greetings!:)

    xxBasia
    http://kasztanowydomek.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your blog is very interesting, original also in post you do!!!Go on!!!Kisses
    Sophia
    www.sophiasfashiondiary.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. All of your pictures are gorgeous and your eyebrows are on fleek!

    xo
    http://www.carinavardie.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. you look so gorgeous in all of these!!
    www.samanthamariko.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. love it

    http://benemgn.com
    http://benemgn.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. You still look gorgeous dear, and it's understandable not to share everything about oneself on social media because certain things should be left the way they are personally.


    www.stylenbeautylounge.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. Really cool dear!

    Love your blog and I am a new follower on GFC :)
    Maybe we can follow each other?
    Let me know!
    Kisses

    ReplyDelete
  13. You will still be pretty which ever way you choose to dress dear.
    P:s- The weave on the second picture though!!!


    Have a great week
    www.tegaenai.com
    xoxo..

    ReplyDelete
  14. Beautiful words and person! :)

    www.blushingbliss.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice post Winnie. Thanks for stopping by on my blog :)
    sewafolie.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. You look so beautiful :)
    Thx for sharing.

    x Alix N,
    @ www.acommonobsession.com

    ReplyDelete

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